A softer approach

 Interview with “A” - Part 3 of 3

Hey all - after a little holiday break I'm back with a recap and the final installment of "A's" story (this time around). 

In Part 1 of the interview, “A” talked about their personal experiences with suffering and the search for happiness; how they became disillusioned with the idea that things like a career or love would help them feel ok. Then, through a psychedelic ‘unity experience,’ “A” got introduced to mystical spirituality. Suddenly, finding an answer to suffering seemed possible. 

In Part 2, “A” described realizing that “thinking things through wasn’t working,” and started to turn attention away from thoughts. For “A,” thinking is a source of mental anguish and self-obsession. 

In Part 3, this last part of our conversation, “A” shares where they are now; what’s getting their attention. I hope you’ve enjoyed getting to know “A” and reading about their life. 

“I don’t feel broken anymore. That feeling of brokenness seems like it was a habitual way of thinking about who I am, and of imagining myself. It was this painful thought and feeling that would come up all the time. ‘This is who I am: I'm broken. And I’m not gonna be able to fix it.'"

"Over time, some space built up and I was able to see that as an idea about what I am; not the actual, 100% truth of what I am. Before, when that thought would come up I'd spiral into a couple weeks of depression. But once there was an ability to see that ‘this is an idea, an idea about who I am,’ the hold of it lessened. Now it doesn’t come up anymore; ‘being broken’ isn’t part of my life right now."

So what is your life like now?

"I feel very drawn to solitude these last 6 or 12 months. There’s this feeling of resonance, this 'ok-ness' that's correlated with the quieting down in the mind, and a feeling of presence; it’s visceral, energetic; it’s pleasant. And it feels like a direction to be going in. It seems to present itself when I’m meditating, walking alone in the woods, or going for a drive in my car. It’s like a feeling of letting everything settle."

"There’s a sense of longing that comes with it. There’s still something missing. I guess you could call it God. Wanting to know God. wanting to get in touch with that. But there’s also a feeling that I can't do it on my own. I’m gonna need help. And there's an asking for that help. And asking sincerely; meaning it when I say it. And then the next part is listening. And feeling. That sense of presence feels like a gift." 

"People hear things and get the idea: ‘it’s gotta be this way.’ I’d get stuck too, and beat myself up. I was incredibly hard on myself. I was so sure ‘this is the way it’s gotta be.’ I wasn’t open to another way of it being. Now, there’s a softer approach.”

Thanks to "A" for sharing their story. 

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